It ain’t me, it’s you

Posted: August 29, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Bane of My Existence?

I despise grammar Nazis. That’s not quite true, but, “I find people who are extreme sticklers for grammar annoying, however I sorta understand where they’re coming from…I think” lacks the same sort of oomph.

If you’ve guessed that this is my take on the previously skipped “A Virtue I Abhor” you’re right. Have a piece of cake to reward yourself (‘cause you ain’t gettin’ anything from me).

Certainly there are some instances where attention to grammar is important. I have no qualm with such situations, it’s when people insist on sillier distinctions that frustrates me. One ‘rule’ which particularly annoys me is the quote/quotation division. There is nothing lost by using ‘quote’ as a noun. Using ‘quote’ as a noun doesn’t mar comprehension, doesn’t it sound any worse, and (as an added bonus!) has fewer syllables.

Language changes. If it doesn’t, it’s dead. It’s no longer functional. Of course, this isn’t a new idea. As culture and technology evolve, language must adapt to sufficiently address our changing needs. Granted, the quote/quotation distinction isn’t really about serving our needs (unless you count less speaking effort a need) but it does exemplify the legalistic approach some people take to language.

Let’s take a commonly held grammar rule: Never, ever, end a sentence with a preposition. In his book The Mother Tongue: English And How it Got That Way, Bill Bryson comments that the source of this ‘rule’ is one Robert Lowth, an 18th century clergyman and amateur grammarian.

Robert Lowth: Amateur Grammarian

He penned A Short Introduction to English Grammar which was rather popular for a very long time. Lowth suggested that sentences ending in prepositions usually sounded less graceful while noting that a sentence that finishes with a preposition was common in speech and writing. And this is the entire basis for such a firm rule? Other rules, such as the split infinitive stem from a desire to make English more like Latin. If you’ve studied Latin, you’ll know that its structure is very different from English. For starters, Latin infinitives are one freakin’ word, not two as in English. Sure, Latin is classy, but this is neither practical nor logical.

I consider the preposition ‘rule’ (like others) more of a ‘guideline’ than an actual rule. Proper grammar is important in certain situations to avoid ambiguity, and if it can be done with elegance so much the better. It is this last part that is tricky, because ‘proper’ grammar as it pertains to style is subjective and all too often these guidelines are enforced for the sake of the rule rather than the intent behind that rule (that being comprehensible and beautiful use of language). I know this because I used to be such a person. I wanted to be right and flaunt my superior knowledge. I wore my ‘grammar Nazi’ status as a badge of honour.

So yes, I will continue to use quote as a noun. The occasional sentence I write may end in a preposition. I might even split my infinitives*. Suck it up Buttercup.

*Careful readers may have noticed that I have done at least one of these in this essay.

A Witty and Creative Title

Posted: August 28, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: essayaweek | Leave a comment

In theory, I would write a brilliant opening sentence. In practice, I can think of nothing. However, that’ll have to do since one cannot finish something without beginning it.

In grade 6, 7 and 8 I had a teacher who I adored. This was not a common opinion. She was strict, but fair and expected a lot from her students. Most importantly, she was excellent at teaching, as some of my classmates later discovered. She taught us how to do a math problem, but also why a certain method was best. She taught us the practice and the theory. Instead of giving us a fish, she showed us how to fish.

And that, most wonderful and learn-ed readers, is why theory is so important. It helps one understand the practice and thus adapt it to multiple situations. There are some people, however, who find theory to be pointless, and others for whom theory is really the most interesting (and thus most valuable at times) of the two.

Practice, is the mickey to theory’s minnie, the eeyore to its Winnie. Just as skeptics of evolution like to say: it’s just a theory (until proven by practice).

For example, theoretically tougher crime and gun laws quelled a growing crime wave in 1990s US. Some argue that this is not the case, that legalized abortion was the real cause. Which is it?

Or how about this: theoretically disseminating knowledge of the ill effects of smoking should prevent people from smoking. It doesn’t work. People are more swayed by peer pressure and the desire to look cool than the possibility (albeit a high one) of death by cancer*.

If those examples are too dry for you, think of the fifth Harry Potter book**. Umbridge, as part of the Ministry’s attempt to quell Dumbledore’s supposed army-creating operation, taught only the theory in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Our main characters (and several others) were quite unhappy, what use was theory when practice is what’s needed to perform a spell successfully?

Theory is not enough. Practice is not enough. Both are necessary and important parts of education, knowledge and understanding. Personally, I like theory, but I find it even more interesting when I learn how it can be useful in practice.

*Not actually based on fact. I’m just making a (logical) guess.

**If you’ve been reading all my blog posts, you’ll know I’ve used a lot of HP comparisons. I have my reasons though! Number one: its at the top of my mind since the final movie came out and I’m re-reading the fifth one right now. Also, its so ubiquitous that I know that people will likely understand the point I’m trying to make.

The Girl Who Wouldn’t Stop Reading Children’s Literature

Posted: August 13, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: essayaweek, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

You’d have to be living under a rock at the bottom of the ocean* to not have noticed the release of the final Harry Potter installment this past July. About a week prior to its release, I heard to a radio broadcast discussing (among other things) the books, specifically their impact on peoples’ lives both now and in the future. I found myself increasingly frustrated as the host kept asking callers if they were often asked ‘why they continued to read children’s books’, even being shocked at one point that one caller expected to re-read them well into their adulthood and oldster-hood.

I just don’t get how someone could ever be too old for good books. I understand it intellectually I suppose as they are, ostensibly, written for children and young adults), but this doesn’t preclude them from being quality reading. There are plenty of adults who read children’s/ya** books. I don’t believe it’s because these adults are ‘undemanding readers’ either. For instance, take The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making.*

Note the Dragon on the cover. I have a personal bias for dragons, i.e., putting a dragon on the cover of a book is like writing my name all over it.

There are already many reviews of this book out there on the intarwebz, thus I will not describe the book in any great depth. Most of the reviews are positive, and with good reason: the book is well written, believable, has great characters and an excellent plot (with an unexpected end). Within the first four pages of this book I was sold by this description:

“All children are heartless. They have not grown a heart yet, which is why the can climb tall trees and say shocking things and leap so very high that grownup hearts flutter in terror. Hearts weight quite a lot. That is why it takes so long to grow one. But, as in their reading and arithmetic and drawing, different children proceed at different speeds. (It is well known that reading quickens the growth of a heart like nothing else.)”

But what I was most awed by was the sheer creativity of this novel. There is, among other things, a wairwulf (a reverse-werewolf: wolf most of the time, and a man during the full moon), a wiverary (a dragon who thinks he is a library), and a herd of wild books. Cat Valente takes a fairly common plotline, the child whisked away to a magical land a la Chronicles of Narnia. and reinvents it to create an enchanting and Somewhat Heartbreaking tale.

What I’m getting at is this: just because a book is written for a younger (and therefore less experienced) audience, does not necessarily indicate a lack of good writing, of creativity, of excellent plot, of character depth, or of emotional resonance. And just because adults are supposedly more critical readers does not mean that adult fiction isn’t filled with its share of crap. Indeed, the unsettled nature of children and teen taste lends itself to greater creativity; genres for this age group are much more fluid, often defying specific labels.

On writing adult novels, Diana Wynne Jones (RIP) once wrote:

“I found myself thinking as I wrote, ‘These poor adults are never going to understand this; I must explain it to them twice more and then remind them again later in different terms.’ Now this is something I never have to think when I write for younger readers. Children are used to making an effort to understand. They are asked for this effort every hour of every school day and, though they may not make the effort willingly, they at least expect it…I can rely on this. I can make my plots for them as complex as I please, and yet I know I never have to explain them more than once (or twice at the very most). And here I was, writing for people of fifteen and over, assuming that the people who read, say, Fire and Hemlock last year have now given up using their brains.”

One of my favourite things about DWJ books is this lack of explanation; the exact mechanics of magic is almost never directly explained in her novels. You might think that this lack of explanation would be annoying. Au contraire, dear reader. It is, in fact, one of the best qualities of her books. Fire and Hemlock is an excellent read, but I still don’t understand the end. I know at least two other people who also haven’t figured out what happened. I’m pretty sure it was a happy ending…and that’s all I’m sure of. I’ve found this increases my desire and enjoyment in re-reading her books as I discover new things each time I read them. Your brain definitely cannot go on holiday reading her books.

But here’s my dirty secret: I used to be ashamed of my love of children’s novels, of the fact that something like 90% of the books I read are intended for a younger audience. Then I came to understand something: good books don’t have to be hard. Indeed, when the novel first debuted it was a low form of entertainment, nothing compared to the high art of poetry. In the linked article, Lev Grossman expresses the idea that good plot does not equal cheap thrill. He talks about the history of the novel, and how novels are a product of their time, and in this new time a different type of novel (which can still be just as sophisticated) is taking centre stage. Adults enjoy childrens’ novels because the very unpretentious nature of the intended audience allows plot to shine.

It comes down to this: I read books that interest me. Sometimes pure fluff grabs my attention, and at others Man Booker prize winners (Life of Pi I love you). The important thing is just to read, and not reading children’s books because one is ‘too old for them’ is just sad. Such a philosophy deprives one of a whole world of excellent reading, a world I hope never to leave.

*Or perhaps living in a third world country, poor and starving. They have more important things to worry about.
**For the ease of reading and especially of writing, I shall refer to this category as ‘children’s literature/books’ hereafter (mostly). I realize it isn’t strictly correct to lump them together, but they are more similar to each other than adult literature.
***How can you not pick up a book with this as the title?

To boldly go…

Posted: August 1, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: essayaweek | Leave a comment

The Virtue/Vice essays are officially the essays that will not let themselves be writ. So for now I shall leave them alone in the hopes that I’ll be struck with divine inspiration at some unexpected moment. I shall keep you posted if/when this happens.*

I don’t tend to live life according to a specific phrase or motto, so I didn’t immediately know what I would write this essay about. Luckily, google came to the rescue**, and I found this excellent quotation.

A lovely drawing of Sylvia Plath from Clare Owen Illustration (click on image to see more artwork from this artist)

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt” – Sylvia Plath

The essay-a-week challenge has been much more difficult than I anticipated. Either I can’t think of a good topic, or what sounded unbelievably clever and hilarious in my head becomes extremely dull in translation from brain to paper. Part of the issue is that the internet is so public and leaves one terribly open to criticism. This fear is compounded by the fact that I am a frequent chat reader and some of the readers likely know exactly who I am. My instinct is to guard myself from any and all criticisms. A fairly impossible task on the internet, but I still feel compelled to try.

After re-writing the first few posts at least twice each (with completely different focusses) I had to tell myself to just stop! Choose a topic and go with it! More importantly, I also began to leave things alone. These things being bits of writing which I was unsure about; phrases that could be thought poorly written, or, horror of horrors, make me sound unintelligent and ridiculous. I have to remind myself that the point of doing this challenge was never to impress people with my brilliance (questionable) or to cause others to weep with joy at the elegance of my writing (writing that is adequate at best, and stems more from extensive reading than any natural skill). My goal for this essay challenge was to keep writing, keep practicing, and most importantly: improve.

It is easy to forget that goal. I don’t want to post anything truly terrible, but nor is it necessary that I post something positively astounding. Do I regret some of the things I left in? Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. I can think of at least two sentences off the top of my head which I really wish I hadn’t written. But I have a rule. After a post has been up 24 hours I am no longer allowed to change it, no matter what. This is important for both my growth as a writer and for my ego. (cue sarcasm font) Someday I plan on being an excellent writer, and it will be good for me to remember my humble origins (end sarcasm font).

But seriously, I am probably exaggerating my perceived faults in my mind. Studies have shown*** that people – academics, specifically – are terrible at judging their own writing skill. They often overestimate their ability in comparison to others, and I have to admit I have probably done this as well. And really, what I think is terrible is probably not what you think is terrible. What you think is terrible is likely something I believe is rather brilliant.

And that, dear readers, is why the editing process is so important. This blog is a prime example as all my posts have been edited solely by yours truly. This blog is raw, unadulterated, AH writing style. But, I digress. What I take from the quotation is that it is important that we create boldly so we may go where no man has gone before. Definitely not a new revelation, but still important and most assuredly worth writing by.

*Most likely this will be a thing that happens. All bets are off in the event that I die, am injured, or just plain forget. Or perhaps you find my blog boring and no longer care whether I update or not. To you I say…that’s fine, I cannot dictate your opinion. I wish you a good day sir/madam.
**There was a duel. Blood was shed. People died. It was very dramatic.
***Oh what a wonderful, useful, and quite often misleading phrase. I truly did read/hear about these studies in/from a reliable source, I just can’t remember where. My google fu skills are not up to the task either, apparently

Reach for the top?

Posted: July 24, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

You grow while you sleep.

This saying actually has some truth to it. So no, it’s not the idea I used to believe. What I did believe was that I would one day grow taller than my mother.

My brother is taller than my father. My sister is taller than my mother. As the youngest, I naturally concluded that I too would eventually be taller than my mother*. Suffice it to say I was mistaken.

I have always been rather short. My proudest accomplishment at six was being the second shortest kid in my class, rather than the shortest kid. In short, I never expected to be tall and I never felt short-changed because of my height. Punning aside, there are quite a few advantages to it. I can fit into small spaces. I never bump my head on things, and when I fall it hurts less on account of the smaller distance. It is extremely unlikely that I’ll ever date someone shorter than me, or even someone shorter than me while I’m wearing heels.

This cat is reaching for the sky.

I wasn’t reaching for the sky, just the tree next to me. All I wanted was to be taller than my mother. I didn’t have far to go; my mother is only 5’3’’.

Alas, I was destined to stop at 5’2.5’’. I was, and am, the shortest in my family. I can’t remember any sort of personal crisis arising from this experience, only a vague sense of disappointment. It’s not like I made an extra effort to grow by drinking milk or whatever other methods the kids use these days. I just…thought it was the natural order of things. And it turned out it wasn’t. As they say, that was that. I’m not tall, and at this point I never will be. And there ain’t nothin’ I can do ‘bout it.

*This belief brought up the slight dilemma that if people were continually growing taller than their parents, how has the human race not reached gargantuan heights yet? I tended to brush this off as something I would, someday, understand.

Indecision never tasted so good

Posted: July 21, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I am way behind on these essays. That was probably already apparent to you. I have been held up not by an unwillingness to write, but rather an unwillingness to edit. But now things have gone too far. I have five essays (if you include tomorrow’s) to post. I promise to post one essay a day until I’m caught up. I am making a commitment here people, a commitment. It may not be pretty, but it WILL be done.

My gut reaction to this question is Cake. As I began thinking about this essay, I realized that the best argument I could create was on the pie side of the issue. Still, my gut would not be denied. To resolve this most serious of problems I settled on the most logical of options: to hold a Cake vs. Pie taste test. I baked my favourite cake, and my favourite pie, and pitted them against each other in a no holds barred food tasting contest. I’d like to thank my two impartial judges* for assisting me in this endeavour.

*aka, my mother and father

The Competitors:

From the Pie category: Banoffee Pie

This competitor boasts a smooth toffee filling encased by a graham cracker crust. This dreamboat is topped with banana slices and fluffy piles of whipped cream with just a hint of espresso. Decadent to the last, this pie sports a rustic charm and perfectly proportioned components.

From the Cake category: Chocolate Peanut-butter Triple (double) layer Cake

Sinfully Delicious pretty much describes this competitor. A rich, moist, sour-cream chocolate cake provides the base for the creamy pb-cream cheese frosting. It ups the ante by adding a chocolate-pb ganache as the final touch to an already ridiculously rich dessert.

The Results:

Appearance:

Unanimous votes on this one. I mean really, look at that oozing chocolate. The pie may have some rustic charm, but it can’t compete with the cool demeanor of the Cake.

Texture:

Contrast is the key to textural delight. The Pie, with its crunchy crust, smooth caramel, fluffy whipped cream and mooshy** bananas was the clear winner here. The Cake, so far, isn’t as beautiful on the inside as the out.

**Mooshy is a technical taste-testing term.

Taste:
This last category is the only one on which the judges disagreed. The majority** agreed that the peanut-butter-chocolatey goodness of cake was a 10 000 on the taste scale. Pie was the runner-up at 9 985. I mean really, how can you compete with chocolate?

***A majority consisting of one person whose vote counted for 5 people.

If you’re mathematically inclined*** you may have realized that Cake is our winner here. The point could be made that I had a confirmation bias going into this test. You say confirmation bias, I say loyalty. There’s nothing wrong with loyalty, after all, it’s Ron Weasley’s most touted character trait. (I guess that makes Pie Malfoy? Not Voldemort, Lord Voldy is 100% Grade A evil. Pie, while not as great as cake, still has some redeeming qualities. You know what, I’m going to go with Justin Flinch-Fletchey here. Kind of a jerk/pompous at times, yet still a good character at heart.)

Extended Harry Potter metaphors aside, I like most cakes and a fewer percentage of all pies out there. And in the end, that is the deciding point of this issue for me: I’d rather eat a cake than a pie.

****The requirements of which being the ability to count to three and understand that 2 is greater than 1.

A decidedly unmusical person on music

Posted: June 19, 2011 | Author: AH | Filed under: essayaweek | Leave a comment

A couple weekends ago I woke up early to go garage sale-ing. As always on such mornings, I grabbed my bike, donned a cardigan, put my wallet in my bike basket and away I went*.

I also wore a helmet, so I wouldn't end up like this dummy.

It was a beautiful sunny morning if a bit chilly. A morning made even better when I found a lovely “vintage” leather briefcase for $2, something I’d wanted for awhile but had not yet found one for the right price**. As I was gliding down a hill, almost home, this song started playing on my iPod.

It just seemed to fit. The weather, the day, my mood, even its name ‘Morning Call’. It felt like I was in a movie, in that scene where the hero/heroine is jauntily strolling down the street to the rhythm of equally upbeat music.

Then my iPod fell out of my pocket and skidded down the road. (My iPod is ok, *phew*. Just a little scratched).

‘Morning Call’ is just one of several Korean indie songs*** that I have recently discovered. My absolute favorite is this one by a band called Standing Egg:

I love how the vocals in these songs are so soft, yet they still somehow manage to be bouncy. I love the use of whistling as an instrument; unconventional instrumentation makes me happy. I’m also a huge fan of the ukulele, which, oddly enough, neither of the above songs make use of. But this number from the main singer of Standing Egg (Solo name: Clover) really lets the ukulele shine:

(Incidentally, I am currently learning to play the ukulele because of how much I like it)

I’m not sure really what else to say. I could tell you how I wasn’t interested in listening to music until I was 16, and it wasn’t until I was 18 that I listened to music not suggested to me by my brother. I could also tell you that I’ve never been to a music concert, unless you count coffeehouse-type shindigs. I’m still woefully uninformed when it comes to most popular music, and unpopular music, and pretty much anything else that isn’t on my iPod (a grand total of 411 songs). But I really don’t care. I’m happy with what I have, and occasionally the internet or iTunes introduces me to someone/thing new so I’m always entertained.

*Holy crap. I sound very hipster-y here.
**Somebody save me, I’m morphing into a hipster.
***Not as random an interest as it sounds. Here’s the progression of how I became interested in it:

Read Mangas online, watch anime online —-> read forums, realize that such a thing as ‘dramas’ exist which are (in the case of J-dramas) live-action animes—> watch some J-dramas —> discovery of Korean Dramas —> discovery of blogs about K-dramas —> discovery of K-pop and other Korean musicians

sassy snail

actually more of a procrastinating platypus

It ain’t me, it’s you

A Witty and Creative Title

The Girl Who Wouldn’t Stop Reading Children’s Literature

To boldly go…

Reach for the top?

Indecision never tasted so good

A decidedly unmusical person on music

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